Letter Twenty Three

Dear Sis, 

I just found that the name of my blog again, 'A place after drunk'. Last night I went through, or looked at others how they drunk or pretend they are drunk and do something wild. nasty. silly. 

We went to Dalston clubbing after someone claimed he's drunk and want to have fun. And.....I do feel am old because what happened next was not I expected at all last night. Well, we had dinner together, a great feast by my high school classmate, who now is studying in Le Condon Bleu. Lobster Risotto, Sugar-Vinegar fish, Steak, Taiwanese Stew Pork noodles, salads and bottles of wines, chocolate, ice-cream.....Most important of all, that someone was the spark, he's the only male. It just made me wanna laugh that seeing whole room of girls were trying to talk to him. 

So man became different when drunk. or pretend to be drunk. We've been through what I had done long time ago. dirty dance, kisses, hugs, holding hands.........but some feeling different in me. I don't particularly feel excited; is it really because no more freshness for this? Including dirty talk with guys. 

Anyway, last night was fun, seeing myself in the past and realized I am moving on. Including to the married guy I told you the other day. 


xx & Love, 

Nana.

Letter Twenty Two

Dear Sis,

還記得三、四年前，某個好友深陷三角戀的時候，我輕輕地告訴她請想想對方家庭和孩子。

現在，或許是在異國太寂寞了(但，哪個時候不寂寞呢？) 又或許是認識的太快就覺得很欣賞他，所以心中對他有某種情愫，即便知道他超愛妻愛家愛小孩。

現在正在努力消化這種情愫當中，以及想起好友當時必定比我掙扎個千萬倍吧！喜歡上了從來就不容易輕輕脫逃，更何況是正在戀愛當中。戀愛中所有的猜測、衡量、比較，就像是玫瑰花刺，無法緊握。電話中突然停語的片刻、眼神停留的瞬間、鬧彆扭的時候，種種有可能是我自作多情的多想，但是總覺得有些什麼無法說破的感覺在流動。

所以現在我輕輕地告訴我自己：想想他的家庭與孩子。以及，我想要的男人與家庭是怎樣的，儘管愛情總是無法控制太多，但我總能掌握住我自己。希望是。

多希望你在我旁邊，沙發旁邊，坐著聽我說這些。

xx

Nana.

Letter Twenty One

一些驚人的巧合。工作室註冊成立於10月8日。同事以不同人格創作。表演。去看房看到一個疑似妳的房間，房客法國小美女笑著對我說喜歡表演與服裝設計但似乎表演太競爭了。貓咪，整個工作室的男人都養(過)一隻以上的貓咪。附近還有兩隻街貓。一公一母。母的大腹便便，長得很像縮小版的露西。

今天共租工作室的藝術家笑笑地說：「這隻母貓快生了，你問問看朋友有沒有要養小貓咪？」

工作室的凌亂比你之前的公寓有過之無不及。我說要掃地，同事愣了一下說: 地板有髒嗎？


想念，我親愛的妹妹。

Letter Twenty

Dear sis,

I dreamed of you last night, with Kiki, in our room before. Kiki was hiding in the bookshelf, and I couldn't find him. You mentioned he was inside, and I opened the door of bookshelf. He was there. I tried to catch him and hugged him like a kid. Then, you disappeared. 

I feel lost last night and today. 

I almost forgot yesterday was the official 4 years of your leaving. This huge, deep and painful heart-broken memory seems healing somehow, or am I just taking you as an excuse to be melancholy? 

Should meet more people. should sing, should dance, should get married...should NOT be alone. 

We set so many standards to bury ourselves in the darkest. One thing I should always know. There is not SHOULD. Like I thought you should have been the one that accompany me for this life in the family. But it didn't turn out like this. 

I watched a Japanese drama series, Last Cinderella, about a 39-year-old woman falls in love with 24-year-old man. (Haruma is super cute and sexy)!!! And I just realized, I've changed so few in love thing. I always get attracted with a guy, energetic, full of life, and with one outstanding expertise. And I like mixed extremely: either super manly or girly handsome. I like 6 feet tall, 70s kilos, not to fat. And I can find several similar guys like this in my love history. 

32.

Can you imagine, if you are here, you are almost 30? Maybe you won't look like that. Or maybe you are about to marry cuz you always have love things around you. 

Do you think? sigh, whenever I feel like talking to you is the moment that I feel like is empty or lonely. 

my dear baby sister...I am trying really hard on the job hunting here. and love. and dream. 

Please let the wind blow faster to lead me further. Please. 


xx and hugs.

Nana.

Letter Nineteen

So let's do this. Your drawing exhibition, which supposedly happened in 2009 or 2010. 

I will join the competition of Curate award by end of summer. Original idea is to hold the exhibitions in CSM and TNUA with your drawing and 100 tweets (as poems, deep sentences) that tell how those who lost their beloved family/friends for depression heal themselves, or face the truth, or encourage others. 

That's the idea so far. Start it from tomorrow. 


Love you.

Sis. 

Letter Eighteen

This is me now.

Longer period of PMS by aging, or moving into new environment.

I am easily to get angry, upset and depressed.

So several ways to make me happy are sleep, meditation and think about good things happening. 

Good things.

Dear sis, Hope.

Letter Seventeen

"我最親愛的，你過得怎麼樣？"

我有點憂鬱，或許是天氣或許是金錢或許是健康種種。以前跨年都會告訴自己怎麼樣都得獨自活下去，探索世界。但今年真的不想了一個人了。我想要一個家，不管在哪裡。

剛剛點了掉了與聽海送你，新年快樂，Happy 2013


Love, sis.